Your friends bought floor seats to see your favorite artist in concert, your cousins are planning a blowout vacation instead of a local family reunion, and your neighbor just renovated their kitchen. Cue FOMO, aka a fear of missing out. FOMO could fuel a desire to chase experiences and items you believe others are enjoying. But regularly splurging to keep up can divert money away from what you really want in life—and prohibit you from saving and investing more to achieve your goals. Here’s how to rein in FOMO and the overspending that could accompany it.
What is FOMO?
FOMO is a feeling that something exciting is happening while you’re on the sidelines, potentially sparking anxiety or an urgency that drives impulsive decisions, especially around spending. Social media may amplify these feelings because it gives a constant window into others’ lives while making you question your own choices. Seeing what other people are doing and how they’re spending money could make you want to do the same, even if your budget doesn’t allow for it.
What causes FOMO?
FOMO can be caused by what psychologists call social comparison: People constantly evaluate how they measure up to others. The problem is that these comparisons are far from apples to apples—they often compare their whole lives to small glimpses of others’. Scrolling through social media or hearing about a friend’s latest adventure doesn’t give you the full story. And yet people mentally fill in the blanks in a way that makes others’ lives seem enviable, explains Christine Hargrove, PhD, a financial therapist based in Athens, Georgia, who also is a Financial Therapy Association board member.
Wanting what someone else has caused FOMO for San Francisco software engineer Michael Miller, 27. After scrolling through friends’ social posts featuring their new wireless headphones or new computer, buying these items can feel necessary—even though Miller already owns the gadgets he needs. “In those scenarios, psychologists say you have to wait a little, so I do,” explains Miller. He adds if he sees the item again and it evokes the same strong emotion, he typically buys it.
How might FOMO affect you?
FOMO might affect you by making you feel inadequate compared to others. While some FOMO is about missing out on fun things, Dr. Hargrove says it’s often tied to deeper feelings of falling behind—whether that’s socially, professionally, or financially.
That feeling of falling behind can directly impact your finances. Seeing friends on extravagant vacations or upgrading their homes can trigger impulse spending to make you feel like you’re keeping up with people in your social circle, at a similar professional level, or in the same age group, says Dr. Hargrove. All that spending, though, can leave little money left for practical needs, like emergency savings and retirement savings. Fidelity suggests setting aside $1,000 for emergencies and then working up to saving 3 to 6 months’ worth of expenses. Fidelity also suggests saving 15% of your pre-tax income, including any employer match, for your retirement, to maintain your current lifestyle in retirement. Both of these are harder to achieve if you’re dedicating your budget to keeping up with your perception of your peers.
How to minimize FOMO
There are several strategies that could help reduce FOMO—and tamp down on the spending that often follows it.
Practice gratitude
Shifting your attention to things in your life that make you happy can curb the urge to splurge. “Taking the time to appreciate what you already do or have can go a long way,” Dr. Hargrove says.
Set clear goals
Fela Kuhn-Pourqué, 34, a life coach in Clearwater, Florida, says prioritizing long-term money goals—including setting aside money for entrepreneurial ventures, traveling with her young child, and saving for retirement—has made it simpler to limit day-to-day spending. “For me, it’s all about having the vision,” she says. “I’m pretty clear on what I want in 5 or even 10 years, and this pull is so much stronger than going and spending money at a restaurant.”
Find the real reason behind your drive to spend
For some people, spending money is a symptom of a deeper emotional need, explains Dr. Hargrove. For instance, someone who always wants to book another pricey vacation may actually be craving time to disconnect from work and hang out with family. Finding alternatives that align with your budget while still fulfilling that need can be a good compromise. “There are lots of price points to have a similar emotional experience,” says Dr. Hargrove.
Limit comparison traps
Be mindful of how social media impacts your spending habits and mental health. And note that your reactions could vary depending on your mood. Being conscious of FOMO feelings that arise while spending time online can make them easier to tackle. When you know it’s FOMO rather than legitimately being behind your peers, you might feel better equipped to scroll past whatever’s causing the FOMO. But some people just may need to spend less time scrolling in the first place, Dr. Hargrove adds.
Leave room for small splurges
While Miller says he’s “generally attracted to frugal living,” he also allows himself little treats. For instance, reading about a new book or hearing praises for the book from friends means he might buy it almost instantly. For Miller, it’s a way to give in a little to FOMO without sacrificing his budget. “I don’t buy most things immediately, but I sometimes do it for inexpensive things,” he adds.
Be honest about what you don’t know
Social media or brief conversations with people can easily lead to incorrect assumptions about someone else’s life, says Dr. Hargrove. Keep in mind it’s hard to accurately gauge someone else’s success or financial situation from a distance—the grass may seem greener when it’s not. Instead of jumping to conclusions and feeling inadequate, recognize the gaps in your knowledge and resist the urge to compare.