Many people don't have a window of time to prepare for a death before it happens. For those that do, it can sometimes be an opportunity to discuss their wishes and fears with their family. It may also offer a chance to minimize discomfort through medical care, hospice, palliative, or other care. Some families also use the time to try and find important documents or coordinate the logistics of financial or legal matters with other family members.
Then comes the difficult, but often necessary, step of planning a funeral or memorial service.
How to plan a funeral or memorial service
Understanding and honoring a loved one’s wishes is often a top priority. It can offer some comfort to follow through on wishes and celebrate their life in a meaningful way.
You and your family may have a series of decisions to make like if you want to have a viewing, where that should be, and choosing cremation or burial. You may prefer to have the viewing and funeral at home, or it may be easier to have it at a funeral home.
Finding advance health care directives
Advance care directives are sometimes used to instruct survivors about funeral plans or wishes, and to appoint an agent. Some states use specific forms, and these forms are also known as letters of instruction (LOIs).1
Consider looking in these places for advance health care directives as you’re planning the funeral or memorial:
- Computer
- Tax returns
- Files and safe deposit box
- An attorney—if used
Decide who’s in charge
If your loved one did have a letter of instruction or written plans or wishes, they may have named someone to take the lead on planning. Unlike a will, a letter of instruction isn't a legal document, but they may be used by the person settling your estate or who you designate, to carry our your personal wishes.2
However, in the absence of written wishes, your state may have statutes about who has the legal right to decide what should happen. Usually, a spouse is considered the closest, with the next of kin being the next closest relatives, in most cases would be children, parents, and siblings.2
Make arrangements
Hospitals, nursing homes, or hospice care centers may allow some time for you to make arrangements. In the case of nursing homes or hospice care, plans may have been made in advance.
Your loved one may have already made some plans. If there’s an advance health care directive, there may be instructions about what they wanted.
Choosing a funeral service option
US states have different funeral laws, consider familiarizing yourself with your state laws, including the different funeral options: home funerals, traditional service, and direct burial or cremation (with or without a ceremony).3
Burial or cremation are the two main options for body disposal in the US. Your loved one could have also chosen to donate their body to medical or educational research.
Funeral homes can help with traditional services including preparing the body, providing a space for a viewing and service, coordinating with clergy, and arranging cremation or burial.4 They can also help with the paperwork. Home funerals are legal in every state but require planning. Some states require a funeral director to provide transportation and to file the death certificate.5
Pay for the funeral
Funerals can be very expensive. It’s important to be clear about what’s necessary and how to best honor your loved one’s wishes. Although it may seem like an added stress, it’s often suggested that you shop around for funeral services. The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) has a guide on Shopping for funeral services.
Funeral costs vary based on location and services requested. Additionally, with average funeral costs ranging from $7,000-$10,000, other factors to consider are the hearse, funeral home service fee, casket or urn, headstone, or burial plot.5
You can use the estate money to pay for funeral costs, but not immediately. If you or someone else pays for your loved one’s funeral, a claim can be submitted to the estate. Though state laws vary, funeral expenses are considered priority creditor claims, which means the expenses may be paid by the estate before other creditors.6
In some cases, family and friends may pay out of pocket for funeral costs or there may be burial assistance available through the state.